Err on the Side of “Too Friendly”

I love people and making connections with them. I’m a social butterfly, I can be a bit “too much”, and in a way, I want to be everyone’s best friend. But sometimes I’m shy, hesitant, and over-cautious. When I feel like that, but I want to push through and make a connection, I allow myself to “err on the side of too friendly.” It’s an effective tactic I use to psyche myself up. It’s helped me break through my own barriers to build quite a few beautiful relationships.

Connecting with anyone – family, friends, colleagues, new acquaintances – involves risk of failure. But in most cases, I think the benefit is worth the risk. Relationships are what make life worthwhile, so the potential payoff is huge, and feelings of social connectedness are integral to happiness. So for me, it’s worth putting myself out there in creative, outgoing, gutsy ways, even if I occasionally risk being over-friendly in my efforts to connect.

I share this with you, because it works so well for me. I feel like it’s worth sharing the wealth. I respect that not every person is a social butterfly. But most people do want good social connections. At the same time, most people desire some level of privacy, solitude, and time to themselves. It’s a mix. So I’m not saying you should err on the side of too friendly. But I’m saying you could have it as a tool in your toolbox, if you want to. And maybe you already do. Or maybe you’d rather not. It’s obviously totally your choice. I’m just putting the idea out there. With that being said, here are few of my favorite ways to err on the side of too friendly:

Smile

It’s mostly true that when you smile, the whole world smiles back at you. Smiles are inexpensive, extremely contagious, and cause good feelings. Also, give some friendly eye contact and do your best to remember names.

Assume the Best in People

Most people in this world are genuinely good. So give people the benefit of seeing what makes them wonderful. Of course their are some people who don’t have good intentions. It’s best to have serious caution with those people. Use your best judgement, common sense, and trust your instincts to protect yourself. But don’t let the fact that some not-so-nice people exist ruin the fact that there are billions and billions of good people alive.

Strike up Conversations

When you feel the urge, take the initiative to have a running dialogue with your family, friends, colleagues, and people you meet. Conversation is what creates new social connections and keeps old ones alive. But even if it’s been awhile since your last chat with a longtime connection, you can always get in touch and strike up a new conversation – in person, online, by text, by phone, with a greeting card – however you want. As Wayne Gretzky says, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” So it’s worth putting yourself out there if you want to make a connection. In most cases, friendly communication is welcome. And in times when the other person doesn’t respond right away, respect their space and boundaries, and be glad they know the door is open if and when they are ready. It’s an act of generosity and friendship to initiate communication, and it’s usually greatly appreciated.

Truly Enjoy People

Let yourself relax and have a good time with whoever you’re with. You don’t have to like every detail of a person’s personality to truly enjoy their company overall. Forgive easily. Have fun. Most people have loads of good qualities that are worth noticing and enjoying.

Play the Hostess/Host

At work, at home, and in life, it can be empowering to play the host or hostess. Try nurturing everyone around you to ensure they feel relaxed, comfortable, entertained, and well-taken-care-of.

Give

Help other people celebrate their big life moments with kind words, cards, hugs, and little gifts. Be kind to everyone for no good reason, and be kind to yourself too. Develop little inside jokes with people and laugh easily. Love people heartily and respectfully, without hesitation, as much as you want to. Also, give hearty thanks when people give to you.

Invite

Find a way to invite people into your life. Invite people to celebrate with you, come into your home, and spend time with you. Remember they are not obligated to accept all your invitations, but you are giving them a beautiful gift by extending invitations to them. When they do accept your invitations, be sure to have a fabulous time and show them a great time too.

Ask for Opinions

Each person lives in their own little world, based on their own lifetime of experience. So it’s exciting and validating when someone asks for your opinion or advice. That’s why it’s great to ask questions and give other people the chance to be the expert and share their hard-won wisdom with you. Respect and enjoy learning about the other person. Let people go off on tangents and express themselves fully.

Offer to Help

When you have the time, ability, and desire to help someone, offer to lend a hand. Small gestures can make a big impact. And with the people who are your nearest and dearest, consider making standing offers to help them in big, significant ways. Then make good on your offers. It’s a profound way to communicate your deep dedication to having a good relationship with them.

Admit Wrongs

Sometimes even when our intentions are good, we inadvertently hurt other people. In an act of friendship and goodwill, in these situations, it’s best we take responsibility, apologize, and clean up our behavior.

Let Yourself be Seen

Show your community who you really are. Give people a chance to know you. Every person is full of good qualities, including you. Share your thoughts, your interests, your gifts, and what makes you unique. Give people a chance to relate to you on your level.

Cheer on Others’ Success

It feels great to be genuinely supportive of other people. Talk nice to people and about people. In general, a rising tide raises all ships, and people succeed together. So in most cases, you have absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain, by cheering on the success of the people around you.

Never Admire Quietly

Sometimes benevolent, complimentary, admiring thoughts about other people organically bubble up in our minds. When you see something beautiful in someone, speak up. Let them know how impressed you are with them. Your kind words might brighten their day, and it’s possible your admiration might mean the world to them.

Those are my favorite ways to err on the side of too friendly. I know from personal experience these tactics can yield good results, lasting relationships, interesting connections, and unexpected opportunities. They aren’t perfect, but they are powerful. If you have your own ways of enjoying being a social butterfly, please share. I’m always looking for new ways to flap my wings. Also, please feel free to toy with my suggestions. As you err on the side of too friendly, be sure to enjoy the ride and the good company along the way!

Photo by Karina Vorozheeva on Unsplash